Sex Kitten, Bitch, Alley cat, Hound or Puppy Dog? Which are you?

We recently said farewell to a teacher at the college and when I said my thankyou’s and goodbyes, I confessed my not-so-politically-correct-tendency of associating people I meet with objects or animals. It is not a conscious process – these associations just seem to happen automatically.

Usually, when I meet someone for the first time, there is a quality or trait about the new acquaintance which emerges and automatically converts into a visual metaphor in my mind.

The lovely lady in question here, I associated with a chilli pepper. She struck me as quite sassy and fiery. I got the distinct impression from our first encounter that there is much more to her than meets the eye. It was a very positive association for me and turned out to be very true. She was a firecracker and spiced things up somewhat, and she will be sorely missed.

But I digress… I’m pretty sure we have all assumed that we are either a “dog person” or a “cat person”… usually when it comes to pet preferences. But the analogy runs a bit deeper than that… I think there are very strong anthro-zoological archetypes in relationships. I just can’t seem to decide which is which, especially when it comes to relationships with men and women. I’m wondering whether or not we shapeshift between different archetypes. Perhaps that is the answer…

This is a bit tongue-in-cheek but I genuinely do associate people with animals more frequently than anything else. In some cases, I can even specify the breed of dog or cat in question. There is the Cocker Spaniel guy - you just want to fluff his hair and touch him whenever you see him. He is irresistible and openly affectionate. You ALWAYS know when he is happy to see you – sometimes he wags his tail so hard that it can knock you off balance. These guys are playful with boyish charm. He is honest, (well, most of the time…) He won’t voice “harmless little lies” or tell you he has been somewhere when he hasn’t. He will forget your birthday and your anniversary, not because he is being spiteful, but simply because he is incapable of doing so. But, when there is a celebration, he will join in enthusiastically. Should you ever catch him doing something wrong, he will look very guilty and plead for forgiveness with such sad puppy dog eyes that you feel a natural compulsion to reach down and pat him on the head. It is very difficult to hold a grudge against a Spaniel.

The Staffordshire Terrier guy – he is territorial and cocky. He likes to strut around and look strong. He will mark his territory whenever there is another hound in sight – as a matter of principle. He is not as intimidating as the Rottweiler, the big aggressive but loyal dog. Some men are like that. Then there are the Labrador types who are not as protective of you, but they are very loving and loyal. Then there is the Small-Man-Syndrome Chihuahua type – they bark neurotically, are cheeky, obnoxious and try to over-compensate for their small stature. Of course, I have met a few Pitt Bulls too – they are just mean but if you are in control, they will do whatever you ask which is not necessarily a good thing.

However, some men who start out as Spaniels tend to shape shift into a Siamese cat after a while. I have had a Spaniel-Siamese encounter. They are notoriously unpredictable, independent and difficult to read. Like a Siamese, they will rub up against you one day, and the next will act like they have no idea who on earth you are. The invariably have their own agenda and it may not necessarily include you. These are the guys who disappear from the radar for days on end and then suddenly reappear at your doorstep as if nothing happened. The most annoying thing about them is that the moment you are ready to banish them forever, they do something really cute which disarms you. These guys are like difficult pets – they are impossible to “train”. You can tell them umpteen times not to drink from the tap and to leave the fish in the fishbowl, and you will get an appearance of obedience. However, as soon as you leave the room, they will do exactly the opposite – because they can. They like to watch things move and like to play. These are the guys who will show no interest for days on end like a cat with a piece of string…. If the string lies there and is available, they will sit there and groom themselves or fain boredom. However, watch the curious intensity of a Siamese if the string is moved. Then you have their undivided attention. Then again, some of these Spaniel Siamese are just alley cats who will hump anything in sight for the hell of it!

However, just as some of these adorable Spaniels shape shift into Siamese cats, I must concur that some women deserve the feline adjectives attributed to them. There are some women who are prone to “catty” behaviour, some are just cougars on the prowl (present company excluded!), while others are purring sex kittens. I’m sure you have met them all. The problem lies in knowing which role to assume when – are you a puppy dog when he is a Siamese or are you the Siamese when he is the Spaniel??

My recent experiences with men seem to indicate that men tend to respect the cats more. A cat is independent and kind of bitchy at times. It is an accomplishment if you have managed to win the affections of a cat. I reckon cats have a wonderful sense of discretion… they endure the company of dogs until it becomes insufferably boring and not a moment longer. They make no bones about their boredom. In fact, I don’t think cats are capable of faking - well - pretty much anything.

One of the things I admire most about cats, is their ability to move objects with their eyes. A cat can stare at a door with such incredible force that any human within a 3 mile radius will arrive and magically open the door to let it out. Dogs on the other hand, dislike being stared at. Most men dislike silent treatment. Once the cat has mastered the stop and stare technique, no dog is safe. Ask any man who has been given the look…

I don’t think cats are unpleasant… they are merely disinterested at times. Heaven knows I have been at times. On the other hand, it is not hard to understand why men refer to some women as sex kittens… stroke a purring cat and you know why. Cats are very sensual and tactile. If you treat a cat right, she will stretch herself out, purr and leave you in no doubt whatsoever that she appreciates the attention. On the other hand, I think I have been too much of a puppy when it comes to men. You always know where you stand with a puppy. If a puppy likes you, you know it. It seems to me that most men, even the Spaniels, prefer the cats… They like the chase. They are fascinated when the string moves especially if another dog or cat is interested.

So which am I? I think my Spaniel is shapeshifting into a Siamese at the moment. Every time I think I should switch to the dog type I lose. The puppy dog is always outsmarted by the cat, no matter how endearing the puppy may be. If only I could stop wagging my tail!