It is a violent storm. The pummelling rain, driven by a howling wind lashes against the monolithic tower perched on the cliff face which drops into the dark expanse of the ocean whipped into a frenzy by the gale. I’m exhausted and breathless from running the seemingly endless spiral of stairs to reach the light. I’m drenched to the bone and my hair is plastered against my face. My frozen fingers are grappling with the lens and the strobe. I’m desperately swinging the light into the darkness as I peer intently through the storm battered windows… looking … and then I wake up in a panic.
I have had this recurring dream for the last few nights and I am confounded by it. I have dredged my subconscious memory trying to find what could potentially have triggered this dream but I have come up empty handed. I have not visited any lighthouses recently or watched any films featuring a lighthouse, so I am at sixes and sevens with this one on a purely cognitive plane. But today, I have been thinking more deeply about this dream and what it means. What is my subconscious voice trying to tell me so desperately that it has me waking up in a cold sweat gasping for breath?
Perhaps this lighthouse is an extended subconscious metaphor of some sorts. Perhaps it is worthwhile exploring the metaphor… In my dream the lighthouse is anchored on a mountain – with a terrifying sheer drop to the sea below. It stands alone in the face of the storm, seemingly impervious to the fierce winds and turbulent seas. Perhaps the lighthouse is a metaphor for inner strength or an inner spiritual guide desperately directing the lost ship to a safe port of call, a Harbour of Tranquility.
A lighthouse seems to epitomise loneliness and solitude – but isn’t it ironic that it is precisely in times of utter loneliness that we become intensely aware of how connected we are to others? This tall structure seems so solid and unmoving, personifying stability and constancy in the face of extreme adversity. There is an element of defiance and deliberateness in a lighthouse that appeals to the romantic in me.
The lighthouse has a singularity of purpose… to shine the light into the darkness. Night and day, in any weather, the lighthouse shines its light in every direction – 360 degrees – illuminating the safe harbour to travellers at sea or on land. When fog shrouds the beacon, it still shines its light and sounds a fog horn to ensure that all those in range get the message. The light itself is a warning, attracts attention and guides. The light shines in all directions and shines for all equally.
Perhaps the light is the fiery force of learning. The strobe of it can burn through preconceived notions I have about life like a veld fire on the African savannah consumes everything in its path. It is only when the smoke clears and the fog has lifted that the opportunity for growth becomes apparent.
Perhaps the light blinking through the fog is guiding me to see a part of myself or the world I had not understood fully. Perhaps the light is unconditional love which I offer desperately to the ship lost at sea. The beam of unconditional love falls on all - pirate, pilgrim and shipwrecked souls alike. Its rays are available without limitation or condition.
Come to think of it, the lighthouse does not demand that travellers pay heed to its warning. It does not uproot itself and stride into the ocean to drag the unwilling vessel to safety. It respects others to follow their own spiritual paths and live with the consequences of their seemingly foolish decisions. I wish I were more like a lighthouse so that I would not be discouraged or feel that I served no purpose if my light were ignored. It keeps shining its light because eventually someone will notice and will find a safe port of call. That is true faith.
The storm in my dream is hurricane-like in its force and destructive power – a mother of a storm. Perhaps my subconscious is echoing the wisdom of the old proverb that “the darkest hour is nearest the dawn”. Isn’t it usually the last part of a voyage on a perilous coast line that is particularly challenging? It is at the fulcrum of emotional turmoil, teetering on the edge of a steep cliff face, that the winds subside and the crisis wanes to find clarity and understanding we have been searching for so desperately.
Intrinsic to a lighthouse is the concept of vision and seeing beyond the immediate storm battered reality. It is an apex of sight extended in all directions seeing so much further than before seeking the light. A light seeker – etymologically this harkens back to the Semitic stem of the word for “menorah” derived from “minaret” – the root of which (“nar”) denotes “light” or “to shine”.
I think my exhaustion in the battering storm is driven by a feeling of unworthiness and unlovability. Sometimes we are giving our love away and end up hurting because our cup is bone dry - mainly because we don't demand the same in return. Perhaps the lighthouse is about tough love. The lighthouse keeper leaps with joy for each ship which is led to safety. Similary, the lighthouse keeper cannot accept responsibility for those ships who do not look up to see the light and run aground. It stands its ground regardless. Perhaps I can only take responsibility for the light that I put out. Sometimes the fog of indifference is denser than the illumination of the strobe but it doesn't mean that the strobe is meaningless or weak. Perhaps I have had enough stress, frustration, and obstacles without going on a wild goose chase and chasing rabbits down holes for answers. Perhaps the dream is about anchoring myself in the rock of wisdom and doing constant maintenance on the purity of the light I transmit. After all, a fallen lighthouse is more dangerous than a reef. For now, the love in my eyes and the smile on my face will be the strobe in my lighthouse which I pray will guide you home to a harbour of tranquility.
